Don’t Taste The Honey Where You Make Money — Hire An Escort Instead
As the pages of history attest, power is an undeniable aphrodisiac.
King Henry VIII, John Profumo, Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, David Petraeus, Eliot Spitzer, Kerry Packer, Bob Hawke and Richard Pratt are just some of the rich, powerful and famous men who have lured mistresses between the sheets or across the office desk.
Now we have Seven West Media boss Tim Worner’s steamy affair with one of his company’s secretaries Amber Harrison.
A few things spring to mind in the wake of this sex scandal that sent Seven’s market value plummeting by $98 million yesterday.
— How come Mr Worner never made a move on me when I worked at Seven? (Come on, where’s your sense of humour?)
— Is there any man left on this earth that can keep it in his pants?
— And finally, no matter what you think of escorts, they would never expose a client.
I have a long list of gentlemen on my books just as powerful as Mr Worner who would be finished if myself or any of my Angels revealed their names. But we would never do that. It wouldn’t even cross our minds.
I could tell you about the multi millionaire US superstar who tried to bargain me down on the fee of my ladies, or the government official who wears his underpants so high they practically skim his nipples.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got some great stories. But no names are ever revealed.
And, just as much as clients want privacy; there are a lot of escorts out there living double lives who also need discretion.
Ms Harrison allegedly received $150,000 hush money but didn’t keep it hush. Seeing an escort three times a week for a year would be cheaper than that — and discretion would be assured.
Ms Harrison also claims there are four more women linked to him, although Mr Worner has denied this.
I wonder how many businessmen are quaking in their shiny shoes right now? Only the stupid ones that commit the sad, old cliched sin of screwing the secretary.
Hell hath no fury like the dumped PA who is suddenly ignored in the lifts and shifted to some dark, mouldy corner of the office in the hope she will go away quietly — quiet being the operative word.
Yes, Mr Worner’s been a naughty boy. He is not the first man to taste the honey where he makes the money… and he won’t be the last.
But there is one thing that is crystal clear from this affair. Criticise sex workers all you want — we’ve heard it all before — but one thing we are not and that is home wreckers. We would never want to destroy someone’s marriage.
In fact, and some of you will baulk at this, we have been known to save marriages.
We are not out to steal your husbands. Most of us have happily got rid of our own; let alone want yours.
Charlie Sheen said famously: “I don’t pay hookers for sex. I pay them to leave afterwards.” Spot on, except he forgot to mention you are also playing them for peace of mind.
We don’t kiss and tell. We don’t call up wives and we certainly do not issue press releases about who we have had between the sheets.
We generally don’t fall in love with our clients. We don’t wish to cause any hurt or pain to anyone at any time — especially women. It is not good for business and it is not an action of integrity.
So gentlemen, rather than me reading the riot act on how you need to keep it in your pants; we all know that doesn’t always happen, no matter how many times a day you meditate.
So here’s a bit of advice: may I suggest your fingers Google ‘escort’ instead of firing off flirty emails to your secretary.
It will save you peace of mind and money. We are a hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce. Trust me. I’m an escort.