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Jobs Men Do And What It Means In The Bedroom: Part II

A few weeks ago I wrote about how good a man was in bed depending on his job.

It got a lot of attention and my inbox was flooded with messages from men informing me how ‘wild’ sales account managers were, or asking me what farmers were like.

I even got an email from one very hurt client asking why I hadn’t mentioned his job. Women also wrote to me asking me what certain professions were like (probably scoping out their next fling).

So ladies and gentlemen, I bring you part two of jobs men do and their secrets between the sheets …

DISCLAIMER: Read with an open mind and humour please.

ACCOUNT MANAGERS: Put it this way, one man emailed me this week to inform me account managers were kinky, and if I ever wanted to trial one, he would kindly be my guinea pig. This pretty much sums them up. Not the kinky bit, but the ego. Sales guys are great — at talking. They could sell a chastity belt to a sex worker and look the part. They’re sharp, clean cut (apart from Friday nights and Monday mornings). Sex with sales reps is a bit like their monthly targets — ambitious, lots of energy and they might cheat a bit. Good for a good time but onto bigger and better (or younger and prettier) the minute your back is turned.

TEACHERS/PROFESSORS: The higher up they get in the academic world, the kinkier they are. Your average teacher is very sweet, humble and loves a cuddle. Tends to orgasm silently with their eyes closed as if they are in pain. Professors are the thinking woman’s psychopath. Almost as kinky as lawyers, but less cutting edge. Terribly sensitive, prone to falling in love in a bid to escape their bookish (but worthy) profession. One professor I met years ago used to pretend he’d ‘just come off a private plane’ and would pretend to be on the phone to his ‘American Wall Street stockbroker’ yet funnily enough could never afford more than half an hour.

FARMERS: I’ve never had a bad time with a farmer (and not just because they tend to have big hands and know what to do with them). Sun damaged, dog lovers (Labradors usually called Bessie or Jessie) and a lover of RM Williams, you’ll always have a good time with the farmer. Great sense of humour and usually thick thighs, they moan about the city and the traffic at the same time as they take their jeans off. They are usually one hit wonders and are very shy with women (probably because they never meet any).

ENTREPRENEURS: I’ve learnt when a man describes himself as an ‘entrepreneur’, it usually means no one else will work with him. They also don’t have as much money as they say they do on social media. These men will talk a lot — about nothing. Most boast about their links to underworld figures. They promise you the world — holidays, gifts but don’t even turn up on time, if at all. The sex isn’t bad if you can get past the smoke and mirrors. Usually nervous.

POLITICIANS: You can always have a laugh between the sheets with a pollie. One bought me a coffee and croissant for our date. They can be on the naive side with women, and lose all sensibilities when you take your clothes off. Easy company and great for getting all the parliamentary gossip. Amazing how many whinge about their colleagues behind closed doors. Usually very ambitious in and out of bed. Tend to like sex standing up.

PILOTS: I’m a fan of any man who operates heavy machinery. You can’t get much heavier than the A380. Pilots are great company, funny, well travelled, sophisticated and tend to have great hair, good teeth and smell nice. They DO have women in every port, especially the captains. Big egos and big downstairs as well. Great uniform, yet their civvie clothes are always a bit disappointing. Sex is always good with a pilot. They like dirty talk and the stocking suspender fantasy. Can be selfish lovers.

RESTAURATEUR/CHEFS: If there is one man that is constantly tired and stressed, it’s chefs and restaurant owners. They work long hours and shout a lot at people. No chef in the history of mankind has ever cooked a meal for me and they can be moody and quiet. Sallow skins and smokers. Seeing a lady is a huge release for these guys — they have a lot on their shoulders. Tend to like long bookings and are awake and up for the entire time.

PSYCHIATRISTS: Psychs are usually stark raving bonkers. They will leave you wondering how they function in everyday life. One psych I knew wanted me to pretend to be his mother every time I saw him. As this is a family website, that’s all I can say here. But I did question how sane he was. If you ask them a question — like ‘How are you?’ you can see them internally dissect your motives before giving you a measured answer. Their bedroom skills are polite and restrained. Their kinks are usually purely psychological not physical. Once you lock into their mind, they’re putty in your hands.

MINERS: Miners have more disposable cash than most. They’re absolute gentlemen in and out of the bedroom and usually apologetic about their jobs. The golden rule for escorts is to not fall for your clients, but I can think of a few miners I fell in love with (for at least a few hours). Covered in tattoos, strong family values and usually fit, miners make good lovers, and good boyfriends — if you can handle them being away a lot (and at home a lot).

PROPERTY DEVELOPERS: If you want a fun time, the property developer is your man. They have great taste, and know how to show a ‘lady’ a good time. They look good, smell good and love the company of women. One wealthy developer pulled out plans to a new development he was working on and asked me which unit I wanted. Another had a seafood platter waiting for me. Sex is always good, mostly because they make a lot of effort. Warning: don’t fall for them. While charming and fun, they have an eye for the ladies.