Artem Labunsky NV4yuniRcyw Unsplash

The Dos and Don’ts of Intimacy During A Pandemic

We know all about the economy, essential services, travel bans and getting fined for sitting on a park bench, but what about sex during enforced isolation?  Some of us (ahem..) see intimacy as an essential service, pretty bloody essential actually, but for those who are unsure what you are and aren’t allowed to do sex-wise during the COVID-19 outbreak, let me fill you in.

If you’re lucky (or unlucky) enough to live with your partner/husband/lover, then go for your life. You have the green card to bonk yourselves till this is all over – and then some. That’s if you’re not sick of the sight of each other. If you’re getting bored with the same nightly routine, jazz your sex life up with dirty talk, porn, sex toys, role plays…the list is endless. If one of you comes down with the virus, chances are you’ll both get it. Then no one will be in the mood.

Bad news for swingers – group sex and orgies are out. Never been my cup of tea, but I can definitely see the merits of more than one sexual partner.  I’ve always believed you can’t get everything from one person, but coronavirus is something you definitely don’t want to get, so don’t take the risk, unless you want a hefty fine and/or to get sick. Put your masks and fancy lingerie back on the top of the wardrobe for when this is all over.

For those having affairs – it’s a tricky one. I’m the last person to judge by the way believe me, I’ve seen, heard and done most things. But affairs, what to do…You know your lover inside out (or you believe what they say anyway) and apart from when he’s at home with his wife, he says he’s socially distancing. Do you want to risk your health for a quickie? Is it worth it? Can you trust him? He may not even know he’s carrying the virus. And then if you did get sick, what then? If you’re supposed to be isolating, where can you say you picked it up from? It’s the web of lies and deceit that become even more complex during a pandemic. The thing about affairs however is the lust and addiction. The fact that you – or he – has a partner doesn’t put you off.  So imagine the risk factor of a potentially deadly virus? My advice should be break it off, think of his/her partner, your ethic and morals. And it would be a good time for an enforced break to think about those things anyway. But, if the drive and passion is unbearable, stick to Facetime sex and for heaven’s sake, don’t get caught.

Single and ready to mingle? It was sod’s law that the minute I decide I am finally ready for a relationship, coronavirus decided to make that impossible. Online dating, once used for casual quick hook ups, is now being used as a way to get to know someone on a pretty deep emotional level before you’re allowed to meet them. A male friend of mine told me he’s just found The One online – and they haven’t even met face to face. What has happened however is that they have formed a strong emotional connection on text and facetime calls; the basis of a healthy, functional relationship. What better way to really get to know someone when we are in isolation? Relationships are built on well-established boundaries, trust and friendship – and being forced to talk on a deeper level enables us to discover things about a future mate than a quick awkward coffee would. And for those, like me, who are so single it’s not funny, then going to bed alone and waking up alone is nothing out of the ordinary. Sex droughts, like this virus, will pass. It’s a good excuse not to shave your legs.